a new fear
i lived in a new house by a different beach. there were changes i didnt like. my sister seemed to accept them. no one else thought them strange. i felt disconnected.
on the playground, i felt strange behind my ear. the nurse called mother. mother drove to the doctor. the doctor made arrangements at hospital. i asked why. they didnt tell me. i was operated on.
when i woke, mother was there with him and i cried. i cried because i didnt want him. he was not family. i had no idea where he came from. when dad came, i asked. i dont remember the answer. linda visited too. they tried to comfort me, but i was too confused.
at home, i slept restlessly, with nightmares. the incision hemorrhaged during the night. i didnt go to school. i was weak. i asked for facts, but got clues. i didnt understand what happened. and they didnt tell me.
what i didnt understand was how people could be replaced. being so young, they thought i wouldnt get it, but i did. i got it slammed in my face the day he came strolling out of her room in his shorts. they seemed so natural, the others took it in stride. somewhere, i kept wondering… how did i get here?